What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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