You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
