I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
