sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
