So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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