I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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