Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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