i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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