My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
