Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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