is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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