I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
