After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
