she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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