im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
