worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
