I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
