At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize