so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have tasted many bathrooms
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
