You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize