dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
