They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize