i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
