I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
