i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize