Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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