I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
