she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
even my farts smell like vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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