shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
