Yo dont text me then not text me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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