obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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