The maid of honor just puked.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
