i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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