The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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