you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
