I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
