in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
