barbara walters just said penis...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
