i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
