im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Say something about gay babies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
