note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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