that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what day is it and did you see me today?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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