Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
