Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
