hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize