Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
