I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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