Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
