Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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