there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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