The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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