I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
