I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
