community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
