im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
