her vagine was all disorganized.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize