This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
