i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
