It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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