opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
