It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
