I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
