I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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