Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
