I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
