I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
