you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Still dying that you shit outside
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
