just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
