i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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