you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
